Dear Kindergartner and Prospective applicant to law school:
Congratulations! We have heard from your parents/grandparents/teachers/other kids on the playground that you got a HAPPY FACE on your writing assignment. As you know, HAPPY FACES are important. You know where they are most important? On the faces of law school admissions personnel.
Your HAPPY FACE grade is a good sign you would do well in law school. We like to turn frowns upside down is our motto. You know what makes us the most joyful? When we can admit someone with a high GPA (lots of happy faces) or LSAT (big happy face on a big test). You are well on your way to being someone we would love to see in law school.
Not just any law school. Our law school. In fact, if you do really well, we won’t even make you take the LSAT (really big test). Some of those other law schools might make you take this test, but we won’t, if you have lots of HAPPY FACES on your report card.
Here is one of our admissions counselors at your home wooing you to come to our law school:
As you can see, we take our work seriously. By the way, that last sentenced rhymed, and you’ll learn about that in second grade.
In some cases, we won’t even require you to finish college (that’s grades 13-17). You’ll be able to start at grade 16. This way, we make sure we reduce your overall costs of college, but not law school so much.
As you can see from the happy face on this letter, you should keep this letter in a special box, and then contact us at the right time. We’ve also asked your parents/teachers/grandparents/siblings/friends to make sure you only contact us and not some other law school.
By the way, did you know that some people are allergic to Ivy? Google it. Ivy can be poison Ivy. You might know that as a villain (bad person) who keeps challenging Batman (that’s you!). Don’t fall for the trick of poison Ivy or her dangerous Ivy League.
As your parent/grandparent/sibling/teacher reads this letter to you, we just want you to know how very proud we all are of you. We can’t wait to see you in the very near future.
Your special friends at law school admissions
PS: Talk to your teachers about skipping grades so you can get here sooner!