Archives for the month of: December, 2014

Woke up quick at about noon
thought that I had to be in the classroom soon
I gotta get preppin’ before the day begins
Before my dean starts bitchin’ about my evaluations

About to go and damn near went blind
Young students on the path throwin’ out panic signs
I went in the office to get my power points
With the Macbook, luggin it hurts my joints

I bailed to the class and I called out my minion
And just as I thought, the fool was slackin’
I jumped in the office, hit the juice on my drawer
I got scotch and tequila, and a few drinks more

Then I let the computer speakers sing
I was pumpin’ old shit from Wagner’s Ring
It was, Classical, Classical at the top of the list
Then I played my own shit, it went somethin’ like this

Got my tenure by my sixth year
Writing the papers, teaching with fear
I went to the Dean to get the deal
Travel for a conference for a free meal

A colleague pulls up, who can it be?
It’s a untenured prof trollin’ me
She opens the door and she starts to say
“It’s all about makin’ that Harvard pub play”

‘Cause the profs in the school are always hard
Come talkin’ that trash and we’ll pull your (library) card
Knowin’ nothin’ in life but to be legit
Don’t quote me, student editor, I ain’t said sh*t

Bored as hell and I wanna get ill
So I go to a place where my double latte chill
The fellas out there tryna make that dolla’
I pulled up in my 2014 Honda

Greeted with a Grande and I start drinkin’
And from the Caramel Macchiato, my breath starts stinkin’
I gotta get the associate dean to leggo some money
Before I left I printed my CV

Pulled to the office, get him off the iPad
And then he said somethin’ to make me mad
He said somethin’ that I couldn’t believe
Gave the money to someone not me!

He started talkin’ shit, wouldn’t cha know
Told me I’d have to teach two classes in the evening snow!
And then I stood up and he started to shout
“Get the f**k out before I kick your old ass out!”

‘Cause the profs in the school are always hard
Come talkin’ that trash and we’ll pull your (library) card
Knowin’ nothin’ in life but to be legit
Don’t quote me, student editor, I ain’t said sh*t

Final exam trippin’ but its alright
Got my m-c answer key, gonna fly, grading, fly.

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Dear Committee,

Please consider replacing our antiquated student evaluations with this one.

Sincerely,

Lawprofblawg

1. Name of Professor _______ (If you don’t know, please cease filling out this form)

2.  Course Name ___________(If you don’t know, please cease filling out this form)

3. What Grade do you expect from this course? ______ (If below a C, please cease….)

4.  Do you think this course will help you become a better lawyer?

(If you answered “no,” please provide detailed explanation of your experience as a lawyer, working with lawyers, or other legal experience that qualifies you to answer. If your professor lacks practice experience, never mind).

5.  How was the level of reading? _________ (e.g., too much, too little).

If you think there was too much reading, how much did you want? (If your answer is below 20 pages, please cease……)

6.  How prepared was the instructor? _______

(If you answered “not at all,” please check the spine of the book. If your professor’s name is there, please cease……)

7.  For purposes of tenure decisions or post-tenure review, please fill in, verbatim, the professor’s worst off-topic stream of consciousness rant (provide context).

8.  Were you able to understand the professor’s lectures and discussion?

If not, is this partly your fault? (If you answered no, please cease……)

9.  How many classes did the instructor miss?

No, really, just the instructor. Not the ones you ditched.

10.  How often was your instructor late for class?

Was your answer above biased because you think the professor is attractive and was just happy to see him or her?

11.  How was the casebook or other course materials?

(If you answered the previous question negatively, check the spine. If it still cracks with and has that new book smell, please cease…….)

12.  For purposes of tenure decisions or post-tenure review, please describe in detail the professor’s worst and best lectures. It’s not like we faculty can be bothered to sit in on classes, you know. That’s why we rely on these things.

13.  Was the professor disrespectful or abusive in any way? Explain. (Note: Socratic method doesn’t count).

You are forced to choose between spending a year in jail or another semester with this professor. Which would you choose? (Note: It is not an acceptable answer to suggest putting the professor in jail for “crimes against teaching”).

14.  Please describe in detail your experience with the final exam. Was it comprehensive? Fair? Did it look like it was written in, say, 1957? Was it taken for E&E verbatim?   (If so, please disclose whether the professor was teaching Copyright law).