16 Tons of Reading (sung to the tune Sixteen Tons by Tennessee Ernie Ford)

Some people say a 1L is made out of clay
A 1L is made out of fear and anxie-tay
Reading and writing, all skin and bones
A mind that’s exhausted and a back that’s gone

You read sixteen tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and deeper in debt
St. Peter don’t you call me because I’m afraid,
My scholarship’s running out, and so’s financial aid.

I was born one morning when the sun was still cool
I picked up my books and walked to the school
You read sixteen tons of torts and crim pro
And the profs all say “only 300 more pages to go.”

You read 16 tons, and what do you get?
Another day older and more student debt
St. Peter don’t you call me because I can’t go
I owe my soul to the student bookstore

I was born one mornin’, it was drizzlin’ rain
Then I read Civ Pro and got a migraine
I was raised to read poetry and fine English prose
Now I read Con Law and I turn my nose

You write sixteen tons, what do you get?
An outline for class you don’t understand yet
St. Peter don’t you call me cause I can’t go
I owe my soul to a final in Civ Pro.

If you see me comin’, better step aside
If you look at me, might look like I cried
One fist a Mac, the other with Books
If you boast your outline’s finished I’ll give you dirty looks

You write 16 tons, and what do you get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Prof don’t call on me ‘cause I can’t say
What the case is about, or even if it’s Wednesday.

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